Turning 30: The Anxiety of Change!

Who would’ve thought I’d be turning 30 today? 😭

Isn’t it funny? At this age, I’m still trying to figure out what my passion is. Honestly, I don’t even know what I’m good at or what I really want. I don’t have a stable job, my finances are all over the place, and my mental health? Don’t even get me started, haha. I feel so lost right now, and every day I find myself asking, “How did I end up living like this?” It honestly feels like my 20s were a total waste.

I’ve even decided to take a break from social media. I’m scared and don’t want to compare my life to friends who are making big progress while I’m still stuck in the same place. Plus, since becoming a freelancer, I feel like I’ve lost my social skills. I’ve become a bit of a homebody! Even when someone invites me out, I have to think twice before saying yes.

To be honest, I struggle with maintaining friendships. Right now, I only talk to two people regularly, and they’re not from school or college—just colleagues from my first job. It’s funny how life takes you down unexpected paths, but I can’t help feeling a little anxious about what happens if they suddenly decide to move on, like getting married or starting families. I know I need to put myself out there more, but it feels challenging.

Anyway, isn’t turning 30 just an awkward age? You’re considered old enough to keep living, but still too young to die. What the hell am I supposed to do? I remember getting rejected from jobs because I was seen as "too young," and now I’m struggling to find work because of age limits. It’s so damn hard living in a country where once you hit 25, companies think you’re already "settled" and just waiting to retire. Haha, screw that!

So yeah, I hope that at 30, I can finally find everything I’m looking for. I want to go with the flow but not too chill, since I feel like it’s super late for me to start focusing on something. My main hopes are:

1. To have a stable career with a job I’m passionate about.
2. To meet new people who vibe with me and support my growth.
3. To become a better, more mature version of myself.

Hmm, what else?

Oh right! I hope to blog more often and just share my thoughts here. I know my writing skills suck, but who cares? Not like many people will read this anyway. At least it’ll be a record of my life progress. I guess from now on I’ll write this blog in English to make it look cooler and to improve my vocabulary, haha! (Shoutout to ChatGPT for helping me translate my original thoughts!)

Turning 30 feels like a reset button, a chance to redefine what success looks like for me. I want to embrace the journey, even if it feels messy and uncertain.

Lastly, happy birthday to me! 🎉 To anyone reading this, I hope your day is filled with happiness and that you, too, find the courage to chase your dreams, no matter how lost you might feel. Here’s to new beginnings and the journey ahead!